Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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