It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
