before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
