i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
