I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
