He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
