did you get engaged???
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
