I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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