I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
