there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
