you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
