Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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