I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
