Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
