That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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