Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
