Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
