She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He passed out mid-signature
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
