I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
