And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
