he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
