Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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