Plan B is the new Plan A
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
