I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
