Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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