forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
