SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
