apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
