the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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