I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
