ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
