I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
