I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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