I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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