It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
