The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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