A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
