this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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