OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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