I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
