1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
