your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
