dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
