Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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