OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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