his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
