it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
