i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
