Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
