I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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