she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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