can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
