I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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