you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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